You really coming over, don't trick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
