i think my tv is drunk
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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