So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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