last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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