turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This is the prime rib incident all over again
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
