Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
