just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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