this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
