butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
literally had 100 drinks last night.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
