This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
