similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
