honey bunches of taint.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize