There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
