she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
