Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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