I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
