Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
