dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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