i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
