the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
