Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
