I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
