One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
