how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
