I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I faked an abortion last night.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize