What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
