Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
