Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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