It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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