Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
