Tell her she can't have a vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
