i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
