boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
