i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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