Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
