she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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