I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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