The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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