girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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