oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
