No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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