I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
