i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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