Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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