K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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