Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize