I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
