just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sext me about skeletons
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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