Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
