I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
