I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
