So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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