Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize