dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
