chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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