Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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