hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize