i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
