I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
