I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even my farts smell like vagina
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
