I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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