I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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