can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
