420 ftw
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
