you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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