Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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