And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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