get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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