My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
