just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
