if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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