I think I am morally bankrupt
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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