oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dicks are not precious.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize