I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
