Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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