i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
