My friends, they love my intelligence
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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