Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
