We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
A bitchslap is in order.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
