make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
two words: eviction party
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
