We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
