the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
