sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
