He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
