i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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