Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
