no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
