she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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