he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
