My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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