I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
