Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize