Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My vagina just recognized that song.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
