we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i think i have herpe
just one?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
